Days of what used to be.. I have been thinking alot lately about what my life used to be like. Maybe melancholy had set in or something. I once weighed 90 pounds and toured around the world. Most people see what I want them to see. Be it the shy woman afraid to start up a conversation or open my mouth to a room full of people. Many have seen me take full command of a crowd of scared family members as they gather around an ill or injured person they love, As I am shaking inside to put people at ease when I know the truth...
Well the truth is I wish somedays I could go back to the days when my turnout was the biggest worry of the day or if I should have white rice or brown.. Stupid things really.. I was killing my self to be what I thought people wanted me to be.. I just want to be a mom who loves her boys with all of her heart.. I don't care anymore if I happen to add a ton of gravy to the rice and I am still scared that I am not what people want me to be. I am sorry if this is a rambling post but I felt it just needed to get out of my system... I guess what I am getting at is I want to be as beautiful now as I once was... but this time on the inside.. I want to find a way to share it with the world as I once did in that finely tuned body that is no more. Gravity sucks!